


Broken

by CoffeeAddict80



Series: Desperate Times... 'verse [16]
Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, M/M, emotional breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 19:24:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14754827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAddict80/pseuds/CoffeeAddict80
Summary: ((One-shot in the Desperate Times ‘Verse. You should probably read that story first. This takes place in the middle of July during the epilogue))Blaine is having some trouble coping with his depression, so Santana calls Kurt for help.





	Broken

Kurt was standing in line at the student café after his last class of the day, when his phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, he scrunched his face in confusion at seeing Santana’s name. “Hello?” he said, answering his phone.

“Where are you right now?” Santana replied.

“Getting some coffee; on campus. Why?” he answered, hesitantly.

“Good. You’re close by. So it won’t take you very long to get your little twinkle tush over here,” she told him.

“Santana,” Kurt sighed. “Over where? What are you talking about?”

“Blaine is…” she trailed off. The inflection of her voice made her sound stressed out. It made the hairs on the back of Kurt’s neck stand up. Before he could yell at her to continue, she did just that. “Look, I don’t know how to deal with him when he gets like this, okay? Anytime I try I always feel like I’m doing something wrong and making the situation worse. I thought maybe you’d have a better shot at helping him than I would.”

Kurt stepped out of line and headed for the door. “Helping him with what? What is happening?”

“He’s having another one of his depressive episodes. The _bad_ kind,” she replied. “He’s in his room, and I just keep hearing crying, then muffled frustrated screaming, then more crying. Occasionally he’ll pick up his guitar and play some loud music with really morose lyrics. I just… I don’t know what to do. As much as it pains me to say this: he responds better to you. So, will you please just hurry your ass up and get over here already?”

“I’m already on my way,” he said. “But have you tried talking to him at all? Get any idea of what he might need?”

“If I knew what he needed I wouldn’t be calling you!” Santana complained.

Kurt swallowed back an angry reply, took a deep breath, then calmly told Santana that he was in front of their building and he’d be upstairs in less than a minute. He hung up the phone then let himself into the lobby to wait for the elevator.

\---

“Please do something,” Santana pleaded, as she opened the door to let Kurt in. “I hate seeing him like this. Even though I technically haven’t seen him, since he won’t come out of his room, but you know what I mean.”

Kurt nodded and walked down the hall to Blaine’s room. Just as he reached the door, Blaine had started strumming some chords on his guitar. Kurt’s quiet knocks on the door went unanswered as those random chords Blaine were strumming turned into the beginning of a slightly familiar melody. He soundlessly let himself into Blaine’s room, closing the door behind him after he entered.

Blaine sat on the edge of his bed with his guitar in his lap, face stained with dried tears. He looked up, staring straight at Kurt. His bloodshot eyes were begging Kurt to listen to the lyrics. His voice was hoarse as he opened his mouth and started to sing:

_What if I stumble, what if I fall_  
_What if I'm the champion of the crawl_  
_And what if I lie just to cover the truth_  
_And what if I waste all the days of my youth_

_And what if I cast all my dreams in the sea_  
_What if my greatest fear is me_  
_Where can I run to escape from this hell_  
_Would you be there? Would you be there?_

_Cardiac arrest, heart pounding out of my chest_  
_Don't wanna become like a crash test dummy_  
_If I let you down will you still want me around_  
_If I'm broken will you still love me?_

_What if I staple and color my skin_  
_And what if I enjoy all of my sin_  
_And what if I run just to hide from the noise_  
_What if I like girls, what if boys_

_And what if listen to all that they say_  
_I promise forever and then walk away_  
_Where can I run to escape from myself_  
_Would you be there? Would you be there?_

_Cardiac arrest, heart pounding out of my chest_  
_Don't wanna become like a crash test dummy_  
_And if I let you down will you still want me around_  
_If I'm broken will you still love me?_

_Cardiac arrest, heart pounding out of my chest_  
_Don't wanna become like a crash test dummy_  
_If I let you down will you still want me around_  
_If I'm broken will you still love me?_

_Will you still love me?_

_You're so unpredictable_  
_Your love, so unconditional_  
_YEAH_  
_Well tell me will I be alright_  
_If I don't love myself_

_What if I stumble, what if I fall_  
_What if I'm the champion of the crawl_  
_All that I hope for, all I can be_  
_All I can offer you is me_

Blaine put his guitar down on top of his toy chest, and broke down in tears, unable to finish the last chorus of the song. Kurt rushed over to the bed then pulled Blaine into his arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Blaine babbled through his sobs.

Kurt rubbed his hand over Blaine’s back in a soothing manner, trying to calm him. “Shh…It’s okay, honey; it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay. Just let it out.” He kicked off his shoes then pulled Blaine to lie next to him on the bed; holding him close while continuing to rub his back “I’m here. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“No. I don’t deserve you,” Blaine replied. “You are so, so amazing; and gorgeous; and talented; and smart… And I’m nobody; I’m nothing. You should be with someone worthy of your time and of your love. Not someone who’s damaged, like I am.”

“That’s not true,” he answered, adamantly. “You are incredibly talented. You have such an amazingly beautiful singing voice; you are a wonderfully skilled musician and actor. I am in awe of how gifted you truly are. And you are also extremely intelligent. You are kind, caring, generous… and, honey, if you want to see gorgeous, all you need to do is look in a mirror. I could go on and on for days about how amazing you really are. You really shouldn’t sell yourself so short. Because you are one-of-a-kind. And you are also so very, very precious to me. You deserve every single good thing this world has to offer; myself included.”

“Even though I’m broken?” Blaine asked.

“You’re not broken, Bee,” Kurt assured him.

Before Kurt could continue, Blaine cut him off. “Yes, I am, Kurt.”

“ _No_. You’re not,” he insisted. “Just because something is cracked doesn’t mean it’s _broken_. I’m going to tell you something I learned back when I first started therapy.” Kurt paused to make sure Blaine was paying attention before he continued. “If someone drops a ceramic vase onto the floor, and it breaks, that doesn’t mean you have to throw it away. There are ways to repair the damage. But while repairing the damage may restore function and purpose to the vase, it will also leave behind evidence of the fractures’ existence; the vase will never look _exactly_ as it did before it was dropped. But just because the vase doesn’t look the same, doesn’t take away from its usefulness; it doesn’t suddenly render the vase unnecessary or obsolete. And sometimes, with the right repair technique, that vase will be a lot stronger – and a lot more beautiful – than it once was _because_ of those repairs.

“ _You_ are that vase, Blaine. Someone was reckless, and you got hurt. But therapy, medication, friends, and family were there to help put you back together. Sure, there are some residual scars – emotional and physical – but you know what a scar is? It’s proof that you’re _healing_ ; you’re getting better. Some of those scars may still be tender or may not be fully healed just yet, but they’re getting there. And because of what you went through, it’s to be expected that your life will never be exactly the same way as it was before all of this pain was thrusted upon you. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We can learn a lot from our past experiences. We can become better versions of ourselves. Because scars or no scars, you will always be Blaine Devon Anderson. And, in my opinion, he’s a pretty great guy to be.”

Blaine sniffled, trying to control his emotions. “Yeah, well, I don’t feel very useful or necessary. Hell, I don’t even feel functional.”

“That’s because depression is a _bitch_ ; it likes to manipulate you into thinking things that aren’t true and wreak havoc on your life,” Kurt replied. “But the truth is: you are _very_ necessary; and so, _so_ important. You are loved by so many people. Your parents, Cooper, Santana, me… we all love you so much Bee. I don’t want you to ever question or forget that.”

“I’ll try,” he answered, meekly. “But you may have to remind me of that from time to time.”

Kurt gently took hold of Blaine’s face, forcing eye contact, then very sincerely told him, “I love you. I love you _so_ much. Whether you’re happy, sad, tired, invigorated, rich, poor, hit rock bottom, or are on top of the world…it doesn’t matter to me. I will still love you. Because you are Blaine Devon Anderson; the one great love of my life.”

Blaine broke eye contact, bit his lip, and gave Kurt a tentative nod of understanding. Then he buried his face in Kurt’s chest, pulling him closer. “Just hold me. Please, just hold me,” he mumbled into Kurt’s chest.

Kurt tightened his grip on Blaine, cuddling him into a warm embrace. He gently rubbed his hand up and down Blaine’s back, hoping to soothe him, while placing small, light kisses to the top of Blaine’s head.

Without even realizing it, Kurt started to softly hum a tune. After humming the opening chorus, he began quietly singing:

_Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days_  
_And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way_  
_Have no fear when your tears are fallin'_  
_I will hear your spirit callin'_  
_And I swear I'll be there come what may_

Kurt returned to humming the rest of the song as he held Blaine close until Blaine’s breathing evened out and Blaine fell asleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> **Songs used: (1) ''Broken'' by Wideawake  
> (If you are unfamiliar with this song/band I recommend that you check it out because it is such an amazing song. You can listen to the song here: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWUKY3S5zJg>)  
> (2) ''I Will Come To You'' by Hanson


End file.
